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How to Release from Overwhelm

Today I want to share with you my 3 best tips to help release from overwhelm in your life. As a busy wife & mom, entrepreneur, or working outside the home, this is for you. First, I need to make a bold statement, if I may…

Overwhelm is a choice, and never a good one.

I heard this phrase for the first time from a guy who’s name is Bob Heilig. I learned a lot from him and this phrase is one of those that has stuck with me. In fact, it’s become a favorite phrase I repeat back to myself again and again and again.

In everything going on with your life, you have power to feel small and tiny, as if things are happening to you. Or you can pull up your big-girl-panties and understand that you are solely responsible for the outcome of what life brings your way. You have the power to sit in overwhelm, unable to move forward. Or you can stick with me and follow my personal 3-step system to move through and out of this unnerving space.

1. Write it down

What is it that feels so huge it has you stressed to the max? Give it a name. Write it down. There is power in naming the thing and in putting it on paper. So, if you are currently overwhelmed, jump up from this post and grab a pen and paper and write down the thing. I’ll wait………..

Seriously, I’ll wait……………………………………………………………………………………

Ok awesome! Next, write down what tasks need to be completed. Is it the dishes and vacuuming and dusting and making doctor appointments and scheduling face time calls with the grandparents and then cooking and having to come up with yet another in home date night idea? Maybe you’re an entrepreneur who worries about all those things PLUS social media and client calls and keeping track of the books and follow up and team calls and creating new programs and selling the current program…. Wow, I’m super exhausted just thinking about all of that! What if you work outside of your home and you come home to the kids who didn’t get their nap and a husband who is over worked and the house is a mess and maybe you just signed up for this side hustle gig and now you have to…. Is this familiar to anyone else?

Your next step is to make a list of the things you need to do to move forward. Brain dump it. Write it down in any order on the page. It doesn’t matter.

Then you are going to number 1-100 (it’s okay if you don’t have 100 things LOL) on the importance of all those things. 1 is your MUST GET DONE LIKE LAST WEEK thing. And then keep going through your list. Is there anything that can be crossed off because maybe it’s not as important as you originally thought? Try it out. See how it feels…

2. Time Blocking

Time blocking is one of my favorite things to do. This is the system of putting specific times in your calendar (yes, use a calendar peeps) to do the specific tasks. There are so many ways to utilizing time blocking: You can time block minute by minute, hour by hour or give your self a block of time in your day based on what you have going on.

Here has been my journey with learning to time block: I started out with an excel spread sheet and broke up the enter day into 15 minute sections. I made sure to fill every. Single. Section. I put in time with the family, specific business tasks, when to do a workout, when to eat and on and on and on. This is a great system! It didn’t work so great for me long term. I need a bit more freedom.

I then shifted into writing out my daily schedule on a pad of paper the night before. Free handing it on an open space of paper (not lined) seemed to give me freedom to work in a creative space. For instance, from 9-11 in the morning was my business time and and at 11:00 I took a walk and from 12:00 to 12:45 I did lunch…. This worked for a long while. Again, though, I needed even more freedom. More space to “play” in.

So I shifted again to using that same pad of paper and simply writing down my tasks as check box list – without using specific times. What I did do, though, is give myself an allotted time to do the tasks. For instance, on my list might be Pure Romance business, blog and engage in social media. I would put two hours for Pure Romance, one hour for blogging and 30 minutes for social. The specific times of getting these done are now up up to me!

However you organize your day is the best way. The key is to start somewhere, with one system, and then that brings me number 3.

3. Tweak It

You might have noticed how I shifted at least three times in figuring out my own time blocking system. The truth is, I will probably continue to tweak it again and again and again and eventually I will find the perfect system for me. Or maybe I won’t. Maybe these systems change as we and our lives change.

Choosing to utilize a tool given to you is always a smart choice. On the other hand, waiting for the “perfect” method can easily lead you into a standstill in your work which will lead to overwhelm.

Overwhelm is a choice, and never a good one.

I hope this is valuable for you!

Let’s stay connected!

Get a snippet of who I am and what I do by heading to my main website.

I offer products to help people enjoy a healthy, safe and empowering intimate life. Shop with me anytime!

To see more personal insights into my life, like this blog post, click here.

Product Spotlights are a fun way to learn more about how I might be able to help you.

And I love to be social! Hang with me on Instagram, Facebook, and Tik Tok! I even have a private Girl Group for women who want to further connect in a fun way.

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A Black Heart

This was the title of a blog post written about me and my family by an internet troll. It might have been called “An Ugly Heart.” Thankfully, my google searches no longer pop up with this post. This mania resulted in a major shift of my work. By mania, I mean harassments, threats and cops.

And I let it break me.

Years ago I was an avid blogger in effort to accomplish two things: First, to express my feelings and thoughts about being a new step-mom to my daughter who has Down syndrome. Secondly, to reach other moms who were going through similar things, so we could both know we were not alone in the struggles that is motherhood. And I loved it. Connections were made, my writing was improving every day as was my voice. The process of sharing my journey so vulnerably allowed me to see beyond my feelings and find clarity by the end of any hard moment I was writing about.

Then that vulnerability was exploited.

An internet troll is someone whom you don’t know and randomly comes across your social media site and blasts you and brings along an army of hurting, angry people.

One morning I woke up finding that I had become a bit of an internet sensation. Emails, comments to my blog like I had never gotten before, messages on Facebook… Each one more awful than the next. Words and phrases like “cunt,” “bitch,” “kill yourself,” “you’re a terrible person,” were used in these messages. Even Mr. Sexy and our families and close friends received disturbing messages like this.

I easily found the blog post. This troll did have a bit of a following. Enough to completely disrupt my entire family. I was named, called out, links shared for strangers to find and harass my family.

All because I had the audacity to share my story publicly.

How. Dare. I.

At the same time, in the midst of the chaos, I continued to receive another kind of message. Wanna know what these people had to say?

Thank you.

Thank you for validating my feelings.

Thank you for sharing your story because now I’m not alone.

I’m sad that I wasn’t able to go on with my story at that point in time. It was about 6 months before I dared to open my blog back up – it took weeks for the messages and comments to stop coming in. It wasn’t the same, though. I tried to write through shaking hands and sweat covering my entire body. I clicked the post button a few times… and eventually just stopped.

Over the course of years followed by what happened, I allowed many naysayers to stop me in my tracks of doing my work. A church friend told me I’m sinning in my new job where I get to help women with their sex lives. A close family member let me know how embarrassed they were for me for what I was publicly writing about. Whom I thought was a life-long friend turned around and disowned our friendship. Not to mention the opinions of strangers.

I needed time to heal.

I walked away from church. I was afraid to have any kind of friendship. I drank too much and wrote too little. My marriage struggled. I didn’t have family to lean into. I had me, my God and Mr. Sexy and our kids. And I came out the other side.

Every day I ask God for courage.

Courage to show up as I’m led to. Courage to share my story. Courage to speak truths I know deep in my soul. Courage to be disliked and liked all at the same time.

I truly believe in the power of story telling, whether it’s in the midst of the storm or years after. Every time your story is told, you have a new perspective on it. You allow someone else to glean an affirmation for their own lives. I encourage you to practice sharing your own story. Maybe it’s writing. Maybe it’s a phone call to a friend. Maybe it’s Instagram or a Tik Tok video. These are all avenues to share you stories and touch someone else’s life. How powerful is that?

Let’s stay connected!

Get a snippet of who I am and what I do by heading to my main website.

I offer products to help people enjoy a healthy, safe and empowering intimate life. Shop with me anytime!

To see more personal insights into my life, like this blog post, click here.

Product Spotlights are a fun way to learn more about how I might be able to help you.

And I love to be social! Hang with me on Instagram, Facebook, and Tik Tok! I even have a private Girl Group for women who want to further connect in a fun way.

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Just Show Up

I love Mondays. It’s a fresh start to a brand new week. Regardless of what happened yesterday, last week or all month long, Monday always comes back around as an opportunity to Begin Again. So starting my day the right way is really important to me. This means gratitude journaling, talking with God and some personal development time. It’s how I focus my day and empower myself to show up – even imperfectly. However, on this particular Monday… months ago now… I was struggling to show up at all…

And here is that story…

My 5:55 AM alarm sounded. I swiped up to turn it off and snooze. By the time I opened my eyes again it was 8:30. I felt a wave of frustration, stress and ultimately failure. Up until this morning I had been consistently getting up with my alarm. I did my morning routine which (almost) ALWAYS launches me into a productive work day. However, I had already lost 2 ½ hours of my morning. I felt failure in this and decided today was probably not going to be a work day.

As I was in this thought process of deciding whether or not to go back to sleep, Mr. Sexy came home from dropping the kids off at school. His energy was high and he had a mission that began with opening all the curtains in our bedroom – sleep was no longer on the menu. He brought me hot coffee and sat with me on the bed, empowered in his rejuvenated mindset, and he started a difficult conversation. 

Sometimes, saying the hard things out loud can actually help find resolution. It’s a vulnerable place to be.

There was no going back now. After an hour of talking and trying to get Chewbacca (nick name for my 3-year old) to snuggle with me, I knew I had to get my day started right. This would probably mean a slightly less productive day because of time, however, it was going to be way better than doing absolutely nothing. So I grabbed my journal and my pen, and I got to work.

Being an entrepreneur is messy and not for the faint of heart.

I have read this cheesy phrase in many instagram posts. The hard truths behind that statement, though, have been realized recently. I have spent the past few months questioning my abilities every day. I have asked God where we went wrong so many times. In the back of my mind, the idea of quitting was following me around everywhere I went. 

Yet , every day I moved forward.

I kept going. I continued to show up. I didn’t quit. Because what if I was on the right path? What if this was truly just a season I’d look back on one day and share with thousands of people to encourage them? Who knows. 

Today is Monday. It’s fresh. There’s no mistakes in it yet.

This week is yours to do with what you want.

I am choosing to show up.

Will you?

What is one thing you do that helps you show up for your work as your best self?

I would love to know! Leave a comment or send me a message on Instagram or Facebook. I would love to connect with you!

To further connect with me:

Click here for Product Spotlights. It’s Kick Start this week!

For my personal blog, click here.

For a free book on Foreplay: Click here!

Shop with me anytime!

We can also hang out on Tik Tok, Instagram or Facebook!

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Own Your Power House

Have you ever let another person’s opinions about your work stop you in your tracks? Maybe to the point where you gave up your craft entirely. Well, let’s be friends. Because I’ve been there! Family, friends, internet trolls, strangers in church…. you name it. They have all come at me in some shape or form and the result: I quit. So don’t be like me. Instead, own your power house of your work and keep going. It’s okay to be unavailable for what does not serve your purpose.

I am unavailable. I am unavailable for toxicity. I am unavailable for excuses. I am unavailable for fear taking hold. I am unavailable for criticisms pointed to squish someone else’s spirit down.

Here’s what I am available for.

I am available for scary, audacious dreams. I am available to find that silver lining through the hardest days. I am available to work hard and fail forward. I am available to hear the affirmations from my Creator and ignore everything else.

Hello! I’m Jessica B. And my message, my heart, the core of who I am – is for the woman who feels broken, bruised and unable to move forward. She doesn’t know why. She still feels like that 16-year-old girl who is lost and looking for love in all the places. She is a woman who has yet to find her powerhouse. And the cry of my heart is to help that woman find it.

I believe in you, in your purpose, in your story.

It matters. It truly does.

My message also goes to the 16-year-old girl of 2020. The girl who is surrounded by sex, politics and social media. She feels lost in a whirl wind of Tik-Tok, Instagram and Facebook fame. She wants desperately to be loved and will look for it elsewhere when it’s not found in her home. She has yet to discover that it doesn’t matter what choices she has made, she is valuable, loved and cherished.

Is there one thing in your life that you need to become unavailable for? And in that newly opened space, perhaps you will find, dare I say it… Freedom. Clarity. Rest.

That’s how it works for me, anyways.

I would love the opportunity to connect you with in a more personal way!

I love to hang out on Instagram & Tik-Tok.

I also have a private girl group for women like you on Facebook!

And then make sure to grab your FREE ebook on foreplay! Foreplay 101: A Guide for Men because Let’s Face it the Women Know What They’re Doing!

APRIL CAME ALMOST TOO SOON

“We have until April,” I said. At that point, April was about 6 months away. “When April hits and we are still not OK, you need to go back to a regular job.” It was difficult to say these words. It felt wrong, somehow, to put a stipulation out there in this way. The fact was, though, I was deeply frustrated. I was tired and stressed unlike ever before. I wondered if he would be upset with me for putting this almost threat-like statement out there. I wanted to continue being the supportive spouse, yet at the same time, I needed to see that shining light at the end of a long, dark tunnel.

So, I took a deep breath and sat down with Mr. Sexy and laid it all out there. I expected to see a little bit of hurt and maybe even some anger with my seeming lack of faith in his ability to succeed in building his business. Instead, I was surprised to see him nod his head and then say, “I agree. I actually am giving myself only 4 months.” Deep breath. Inhale. Exhale. In with the nose. Out with the mouth. I’m always surprised at how in sync Mr. Sexy and I are before we even say the things out loud to each other.

We spent those six months building. Creating. Focused. One foot in front of the other. Daily check lists. Things going undone. Tears shed. Broken car window. Extra cash mysteriously finding its way into our checking account. Bills pushed. Bills paid. Clogged plumbing. Cursing in the heat of the moment. Crying out to God. Wondering if it was all for nothing in the end.

And guess what?

It’s April.

We did it.

We made it.

In fact, we are THRIVING.

My sexual wellness business has once again found its footing. I have discovered a new stream of income through my learned expertise on how to use Instagram for businesses. I am able to do something creative every single day. I have focus and clarity on where I’m headed next. I can find joy in the smallest thing even on the difficult days. 

I read a lot of books written by entrepreneurs and they all say some of the same things:

It was really hard.

I cried.

I wanted to give up.

It was the most stressful thing ever

Blah, blah, blah.

And here I am, making those same statements! What does that make me? A hypocrite? I think it gives me understanding of what those statements truly meant. Yet why couldn’t any of these successful entrepreneurs give a real-life example of the moment they said they were outside and cursing through loud, angry tears? I’m a woman who likes the down-and-dirty version of the story. I want to know that person was literally where I was. Or somewhere worse. Or somewhere not even close to as bad.

It is my dream to one day be that entrepreneur that can have the down-and-dirty details to the trials of what it’s like to live this life. It’s too much for today. I probably won’t get to it tomorrow, either. It’s too soon, to early, to close to have the perspective I need.

Here’s what I can tell you, though.

Your dreams are not in vain.

Your crazy huge visions for yourself are not ridiculous.

I speak to myself just as much as to you.

I have yet to see my huge dreams actualized.

However, I am one step closer every day.

As I am learning to step into my creativity and lean into my God, I am led. From one moment to the next.

Create Your Way Through The Things That Happen

Yesterday was spilling into today. And I had a decision to make. Do I lie about being too sick for a video call or feign an unimportant yet “important” family emergency? OR Get on the call as scheduled, as agreed upon? 

Follow through is important, and I know I don’t want to let her down. She is counting on me. 

As I thought contemplating all these things with half an hour left to decide… I realized something really important. This  call would be more about me than her. I needed to show up not for her, but for myself. I needed to practice follow through. And showing up on the bad days. And just doing my damn job even when I felt like there was no point.

So, with five minutes to go, I left the warm cocoon of my heated blanket. I applied mascara first, then some powder foundation. I felt good. I felt ready. I ventured to the chilled kitchen to grab my notebook and a pen. (I write down anything I want to remember. ANYTHING.)

I got back under my toasty warm blanket as 10 AM rolled up. I called my friend. No answer. I left a voice message, too.

I felt disappointed. My friend let me down.

I felt irritated. I put on mascara for this.

I felt frustrated. It’s hard to be accountable for each other.

An hour later I grabbed my lap top and started writing this story. As I began, I realized that phone call did indeed have a positive impact on me. I had filled that hour with doing something I love: Creating content for social media. And now I am filling another hour doing something else I love: Writing my story.

Taylor Swift once said: No matter what, “Keep creating.”

And there is something so special about taking those emotions and putting them somewhere positive. I heard on a podcast with Chalene Johnson recently that “everybody is creative.” I’m not sure I totally buy into that… However, I can get in on the idea that everybody SHOULD utilize a creative outlet. 

What do you think about this? Do you utilize a creative outlet…even if you know it’s not an area of special skill for you? How has this helped you? I’m here for the conversation! I would love to hear your story in the comments, social media or email! 

P.S. About that call though…we had scheduled it for a different day. I even had it written down in my calendar. ::Face Palm:: Silver lining can always be found peeps!

What’s Your Story?

I realize my story changes all the time. Every new life experience enriches the work God is doing in my life. I’m very good at sharing my story, too. In fact, I venture to say I’m too good. There are times when I shared too many details too fast while in the thick of things, which led to drastic fall-outs. I am now learning to share my story in a way that others can digest, not feel overwhelmed by, with enough details for people to relate and reach out to me for further discussion.

I can think of multiple instances where I took my story to the next level and the consequences were long lasting and harsh.

The first was when I was 16. I lost my virginity right before heading out on a missions trip with 10 kids from my youth group – my little brother being one of them. I felt incredibly guilty for what had happened to me, and, although I didn’t realize it then, the experience would haunt me for years to come. When I was 16 I didn’t understand those things, though. I didn’t understand my emotions and why they were happening. All I knew was that I needed to confess my sin – and confess it loudly. The result: I remained just as broken and lost, and that brother believes his life would have been better had I not been a part of it.

Then again when I was in my early 20’s, newly married and now blended family. I had become overwhelmed with my role as a mother to my step-daughter who has down syndrome. I was passionate about sharing my struggles and how I worked through them – and I still have that passion. However, I didn’t realize how scared people would become – even in the private circle of my closest friends. I knew that I was an open book. What I told people was the truth and it was liberating watching others relate to my story. What I know now, though, is that most people don’t share intimate details – especially in public or to a large group. Which means there is always more under the surface going unsaid. So here I come along, baring my soul… and people were left wondering what ELSE was happening that I wasn’t saying. The result: Me, my family and close friends were harassed on the internet to the point that the local police were called. Another result: I lost my closest friends. Every single one.

I didn’t learn my lesson, though. Time had gone by and we moved back to where Mr. Sexy and I first met. I had to rediscover friendships and a church family. This was difficult, though. I no longer felt safe sharing any part of my story. I put myself in hiding while attending church, Bible study & Sunday school. I had fallen into a very dark place. I was experiencing anger unlike anything I had known. I had no idea how to control it and there was no one to talk to other than Mr. Sexy. And if we’re being honest, he wasn’t available for all of that all the time. Well, one morning at Bible study we were sharing how God has been working in our lives since attending the Women’s retreat. I shared my story with all of the gory details. I did feel liberated, on the road to healing and recovery. Instead of healing and recovery, I was gossipped about and told I’m unteachable by the church leadership. The result: We left church and sought relationships elsewhere which ultimately wreaked havoc on our marriage.

I absolutely love to share how God has been at work throughout my entire life. In every instance I shared today, I still can see God’s hand print:

When I was 16, God began a passion in me – one that involves women and teenage girls and healthy conversations surrounding sex.

In my early 20’s I lost my most intimate friends. That same day I reconnected with a friend  I never thought I would talk to again. In fact, she was the only friend who was available for me in my darkest days. Her grace for me brings tears to my eyes even now, in this moment.

My time away from church allowed me to process my faith and realize church is made up of fallible humans. At some point, we would have to try again. Try, we did – and it was rocky. We did land at a church and ever so tentatively I am stepping back into my space of power – sharing my story.

What is your story? There is such power to sharing your life with others. It helps us feel less isolated and understood, even when sharing feels painful. I would love to hear your stories, or just a pieces of them. You are welcome to share below, or find me on social media or send me an email! I look forward to hearing from you!

The Elusive Date Night

When was the last time you had a date night? 

Until about a week ago, I couldn’t remember, either. Turns out that raising a family, building a mini farm, developing friendships and running multiple businesses keeps you busy. So busy, in fact, that it’s easy to forget that you are sexy and desirable. 

I’m a huge proponent of a regular Date Night. In fact it used to be a rule that Mr. Sexy and I do Date Night weekly. That was easier back when we had two kids, built in child care and neither of us had “real” jobs yet. Over the years our family has grown and our careers took root. So date night was put on the back burner.

It’s easy to forget about date night and prioritize other things. Important things. Like back to school night at the beginning of the school year. Or going to Costco to over-buy in bulk while the kids enjoy filling up on samples. And then by the end of the day you’re both exhausted, so you plop down to veg to some television, cocktails in hand. You then stumble into bed a little on the late side and wake up the next morning to do it all over again.

If you can relate to this, you might also realize the lack of intimacy in your relationship, too. I have been there with Mr. Sexy multiple times. I think intimacy is a never ending process. There is always more to learn, more to share and more places to go. 

Playing together is essential for your connection. Have you ever thought about why the divorce rate is so high? I believe that it’s an intimacy issue, in large part. 

Yes, there are other factors, however ride with me for a minute. 

What if you took a few minutes to appreciate your spouse? It can be physical, emotional, mental or spiritual. What if you held hands while shopping at Costco and let the kids push the cart? Or, better yet, leave the kids at home or drop them off with the grandparents. Grocery shopping just got a lot more fun! (Especially if you bring the box office into the mix.)

These simple practices can help you and your partner maintain connection, even through the difficult times. When life happens, and you have the base work of intimacy in the simplest of ways, you are better equipped to walk through the storm. 

Together. 

So start where you are. 

Today. Right now. Send a text, offer a kiss, hold a hand.

Plan your next Costco trip without the kids.

It doesn’t matter where you are in your relationship. 

I believe it’s worth working on. 

A Healthy Libido

The conversation often starts like this: “Can I talk to you about bedroom stuff?” These conversations often surround low sex drive, which makes sense as almost half of women living in the US who are between 30 and 70 years old have low libido or have sexual dysfunction. The struggle of libido is a hot topic of conversation with many of my clients. I might even go so far as to say it’s the number one issue women ask for help with.

There is a long laundry list of potential reasons for low libido. Before I lay that list out, I want to help you avoid overwhelm. Overwhelm is easy to fall into with a list like this and all overwhelm does is stop you from moving forward and finding solutions. Overwhelm is a choice, and never a good one. 

My recommendation: Take this list as a check-point system. Start at the top, decide if this fits you at all. If it does, then it’s where you’re going to start working first to get your sex drive back! If it doesn’t fit you at all, then just move to the next one. 

Medications ranging from birth control to antidepressants to cough medicine can have a significant impact on libido. So take a few moments to read the fine print or talk to your doctor about potential alternatives. In fact, regular exercise, such as a brisk walk, acts as an antidepressant AND it has longer-last effects than most medications.

Pregnancy and Postpartum effects libido also, although it can be more of an eb and flow, particularly with pregnancy. Some women experience intense sexual arousal during different stages of pregnancy, and then decreased arousal during other stages. Every woman is different; pay attention to what your body is telling you and act on that. 

As for postpartum, many women find themselves working through emotional highs and lows which can easily lead to depression, anxiety and lowered libido. To avoid this downward spiral, make a point to get up every day, put a fresh outfit (even if it’s a new set of jammies) and do the one or two things that feeds your soul: Maybe it’s reading a good book, or doing some light exercise or writing or meditating… Activities like this, even when you don’t feel like it, will help steer you away from depression. 

This would be a good time to bring up how sleep depravation can greatly cause a lowered sex-drive. The average adult NEEDS between 7 and 9 hours of sleep every night; the average adult GETS less than 7 hours of sleep at night. So let’s get real for a minute: Good sex takes energy, and sleep is the fuel for that engery. And here’s another fun fact for you: Sex before going to bed at night can help you sleep better! This is #Winning in my book, ya’ll. 

Menopause, post and pre is widely known cause a lowered libido. This is another eb and flow situation. Allow you, your body and your partner the space and love to figure out what works. Many women have actually come full circle from menopause and are having the best sex of their lives. How? By allowing space and time to redisocver their sexualirty. What turns you on might look different, feel different. Bottom line: Don’t give up. 

Let’s talk about stress baby. Another common cause of low libido because with high amounts of stress, a higher amount of cortisone is released in your brain. Cortisol is known as the stress hormone. Too much of this hormone and it’s easy to fall into depression and anxiety, which only further decreases libido. 

So what are some steps to take to start relieving that stress? Orgasms are a legit stress reliever and a virater can be a great asset here. A few other simple, daily practices to relieve stress are exercise, gratitude journaling and meditation. 

Now, believe it or not, a cluttered living space can inhibit your ability to ride that “O” Train from one statoin to the next. Let’s say your main area for love making is the bedroom. As a woman, you are more apt to be aware that you are surrounded by stuff: piles of laundry, clothes spilling out of the dresser, the vanity piled high with papers and books, a night stand that needs a total makeover… 

In the back of your mind, you are probably making a mental note or list of things that need to get done. Now, if you’ve made it this far with me today and you’re starting to roll your eyes, imagine if your bedroom was everything you wanted it to be: Organized, clutter free, a comfortable place for your mind and body to rest. Hello to the “O” Train!!! 

Hormones are a big conversation for women because there are, again, many factors involved. The thing is, is that a hormonal imbalance may be cause for lessened sex drive. The best way to find out where you are is a spit test. I recommend HealthConfirm Hormone Vitality Test Plus. Now, most doctors will offer you a blood test to check your hormones. 

It’s easier for them, however it doesn’t provide optimal results for what is really going on. A spit test is usually something you have to special order. The really neat thing is that depending on what company you purchase from, there is usually an option to work with a specialist once results are in. 

Not every reason for low libido is obvious. Shame/Guilt/Judgements you may have expereinced in the past surrounding the conversation of sex could be playing a significant role in your sex drive. For instance, if you grew up in church, you might have received a message that sex is wrong and shouldn’t be talked about (Shame/guilt/judgement). 

A healthier message might have been: There is a specific design for sex, and let’s talk about it. This piece is going to look different for everyone. The first step in this situation is to identify the messages you have received growing up and decide what is true or not. This conversation best happens with a trusted friend, partner or counselor. 

Weight gain is also a surprising cause for lowered libido. While people of all different shapes and sizes enjoy great sex, the process of weight gain can cause lessened sex drive on a more emotional level, which can lead to the physical level. Maybe you had a baby, maybe life got stressful or maybe there is a new medication in play to cause some weight gain. 

You are still the beautiful, sexy goddess as 2 years ago or 10 years ago. Spend some time getting to know your new body. With change and time comes new experiences. Splurge on a new piece of lingerie, turn the lights down and strut into your clutter-free bedroom and get back to the fun of sex! 

A hysterectomy and other medical procedures could be a cause in low libido for you. It’s okay to allow the eb and flow here for a while as you heal and reconnect with your changed body. Specific products can greatly help get you back into the sexy swing of things. The key here is to allow for open communication with your partner, rediscover each other. 

One fun activity you can try is locking the bedroom door, lay on the bed either naked or with lingerie or bra and panties. Close your eyes (a blindfold helps), play some music and relax as your partner touches your body. This is not meant to be a sexaul exercise (although it sure can turn into one!). The purpose is for you to allow your partner to get to know your body again, every line, every freckle, every dimple. This can be a very powerful exercise, and I encourage you to step into vulnerability and give it a try. 

The final reason you may have low libido might be relational strife. Is there any unresolved conflict, big or small, present or past? An unresolved issue from 10 years ago still lives in the back of your mind. And let’s be honest, sex is one of the most intimate experiences this life has to offer. So if you’re in a place of shame, or resentment or anger, the last thing that feels good is getting naked and being intimate with your partner. 

This conversation is a great wake up call for many couples. Get back to date night and discuss your differences on, for instance, where the kids should go to school. For some of those bigger, unresolved issues, professional counseling would be the next step. What you might find in this prociess is deeper intimacy and the best sex of your life! 

Libido is a big conversation with so many factors playing a role. However, there are also many solutions to help you take back control of your sex life. Sex was God’s idea in the beginning, and it was designed for pleasure, first and foremost. Healthy sex can deepen intimacy between you and your partner. You will be stronger for taking the necessary steps to good, better and best sex. In that order! 

A few specific products I can recommend to help increase sex drive are Bang, Bang! essential oil blend and Euphoria Enhancement Gel.

Being Basic

Everybody wants to be liked, if we’re being honest with ourselves. So why not wear something designed to increase your likeability!
Take Sarah, for instance. She represents a few of my clients. I met her at one of my Girl Parties and she went home with one of our most popular products, Basic Instinct. She loved the way it smelled and more than that, she loved the way it smelled on HER. She did notice it smelled good on her friend, too, though it was a little different.

The next day she followed my party tips and dabbed the roller ball to a few main pulse points: Behind her ears, her wrists and her collar bone. Then a quick spritz of her favorite perfume (not too much, though) and she headed out to hear waitressing job. 

She had a really good day, which isn’t abnormal. She really liked being a waitress and being able to make tips. She was good at she did and her customers always enjoyed her taking care of them. Her tips paid the bills and that was good enough for her. Well, on this particular evening, she noticed she had made more tips than she had expected she would. She was flying high at such an increase in cash even though the restaurant hadn’t been particularly busy. People had just been extra generous. 

The next day, the same routine, and close to the same tips as the night before. Again, not super busy. Weird! This happened for a few days and she really didn’t mind. Then one morning she woke up super late and had to rush off to work. No time for prepping or primping. She had another great day at work. When counting out her tips, though, she noticed she didn’t make as much as she had been making the past few weeks. That’s a bummer. 

The next day was back to normal. She realized the one difference: Basic Instinct. 

See, Basic Instinct is a pheromone cologne that uses synthetic pheromones to bring out your natural pheromones. It’s an attractant cologne that can be paired with any additional fragrances to create a scent completely unique to the wearer. 

Sarah immediately emailed me, telling me she was almost doubling her tips by wearing her pheromone cologne and she felt generally happier. I was so happy for her, I asked permission to share her story with you. And by the way, pheromones are a natural mood booster. So the moral of the story is, when you feel good, so do the people around you.